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  • Writer's pictureJordan Drayer

How Can Shy Seem Arrogant?


Tiferet of Hod


Hi everyone, Jordan Drayer, the savvy millennial voice actress who is learning to be a proper amount of humble every day. Today is four weeks and three days of the Omer. If you want to know more about the Omer and how it works, check out the links in the description.


Today is Tiferet of Hod, looking at the compassion in our humility. This one confused me at first, but the questions from Chabad.org help to clarify it. "Does my humility cause me to be self-contained and anti-social, or does it express itself in empathy for others?" Like, are you so humble that you appear standoffish? This is kind of like how shy people can appear arrogant, like Darcy in Pride and Prejudice. Do you let others talk and decide the plans so much that you don't seem to want to be involved? Painful shyness is not good, as you appear un-compassionate.


It seems unfair, because you're dealing with anxiety just to talk to someone, but this is something you have to move to get over, if you have it. People give up on those who don't appear interested or friendly.


Just start with simple questions like, "How was your day?" "What are you doing later?" I practiced speaking up more by asking these kinds of light questions as a hostess at a nice restaurant, talking to the people waiting for their partners in the bathroom. I also used to never say anything mundane like "hi" to people I thought "higher" than me, like my band director or rabbi, thinking I'm not worth their time, but now I'm rethinking this as well, as I probably look standoffish to them.


Is your humility beautiful or is it awkward? Like, it'd be kind of weird if you went way out of your way to run over and hold a door open for someone. Or if you announced at a work meeting, "I want everyone else to speak before me," thinking that this is a noble and humble act, that just sounds like arrogance. So be natural. If someone points rather unclearly between you and another, let them go first. But if they really insist you go before them, then do it; don't keep up that game of "no, you, no, you."


Today's exercise is to express a humble feeling in an act of compassion. This is like saying, "my pleasure" when someone says, "thank you." If you help someone with their work, mention how you were glad to help, or you learned something in working with them as well. If you're bathing someone else, express how beautiful they are or that you feel calm with them. Find what works for you. Please show me some compassion by liking and sharing, and I'll see you tomorrow.

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