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Writer's pictureJordan Drayer

What Would You Bring?

Finishing up the Jewish High Holy Days is Yom Kippur, the day of atonement. The belief is the gates are closing on God's decision for who will live and who will die in the coming year, so repent now. It's also a day associated with the story of Jonah and the big fish (or whale... the Hebrew isn't clear). This is the kind of stuff that I would've hated as a kid, because it sounds so fire and brimstone and Christian, but with age of course, one can see nuance more easily. The big message of Jonah's story is "choose life, so that you and your children may live," which is what I'm going to focus on today.


The senior rabbi at Leo Baeck Temple, Ken Chasen, gave a sermon on this choosing life idea, illustrating it with musician prisoners in the Therensienstadt concentration camp in World War II. These were people that wrote and played music even while knowing they would die extremely soon. One guy even broke apart his cello, sewed it into his clothes (knowing he would be a prisoner soon), and glued it back together once in the camp. Thus my article title, what would you bring?

person playing cello

Rabbi Ken didn't shy away from the fact that our world and the US is pretty much going down the drain in this moment. So instead of getting depressed and doing nothing, he said, "choose life," as those prisoners did. They played music until the end. Yeah, it's so easy to say, "everything is pointless, existence is pointless, everything I do is meaningless in the grand scheme of the universe." But then you might as well kill yourself now if you want to live that way. If nothing matters, then you have all the liberty in the world to do what you want. In fact, that's the message I got out of Everything, Everywhere, All at Once (which I just watched for the first time two weeks ago). If nothing matters because we're so small and going to die, then why not live as you want to?


I'd still argue for living within reason, like saving water and power, sharing with others (another message from Everything, Everywhere, All at Once: be kind). Don't do things to harm other people; that's not what I mean when I say "live as you want to." But I do mean, have fun while working, go out with friends or find people to be friends with, do art, collect stamps, whatever brings you joy (that again, doesn't harm others unless it's consensual). What would you bring into your death-limited life?


Let's go really dark; what would I bring into the camp? I'd bring my stories, the ones in my head that I want out on paper. Assuming there's no paper, I'd tell them to everyone aloud. I'd bring a pencil or a box of them or some kind of chalk to be able to draw for myself and others. I'd bring my sarcastic one-liners to keep things light and others laughing, which I love to do. I'd bring my love of nature, still able to enjoy the birdsong and sun with whatever chances I have outside of work. I'd even bring my attention to detail into my work, hoping that my work ethic could keep me alive.

man with package
What is he bringing?

Now if we take it out of that dark place, let's make it relevant to normal, non-F'ed up life. To my life, I want to bring the stories in my head out onto paper for others to enjoy. Forget if only one person reads it and the book doesn't sell or it takes forever to find a publisher. I'll bring drawing implements to keep myself occupied. Again, who cares if I don't make money from being an artist; I do it for myself and my friends, to bring us joy. I bring my humor and desire to make others laugh because 1) I like the attention, no lie, and 2) I know I'm good at it. I bring my love of nature because I need things to look at while driving, in boring meetings, etc. Wondering at nature can make me grateful and happy on an otherwise boring day. And I bring my whole self to tasks at work, even dumb spreadsheets and returning people's calls, because that's just who I am. Yes, I BS'ed some essays in school, but even there I made sure they had the full essay requirements like examples, thesis statement, and a good conclusion.


Why would I not want to thrive in life? This is what I believe is "choose life," meaning not just survive but thrive. This could be a privilege thing of course. Even within my somewhat starving artist existence, I thrive. I don't go out to eat much or go to places you have to pay, like museums, as much as I would love to, but I do board games with friends, Dungeons and Dragons, things that bring so much joy without money needed. Perhaps I'll never be the famous author or actor that I desire to be, and even then, fame only goes so far; it's not like I would be known in Pakistan or Argentina. I'd be lucky to be known in the whole US. Perhaps I'll die without having made any impact on the world, without improving water usage, education, or removing corporate greed as I desire.

lady serves another in a cafe
Doing a perhaps boring job with kindness and attention is better than suffering through it

But I have touched people in small ways already. I taught English and music to many. I have called kids' parents when they weren't feeling good for the parents to pick them up, thus bringing comfort to the kid. I did closed captioning for a job, helping people to watch the news in various cities. Maybe even small things like holding open doors, buying another's art, buying something someone was selling on eBay... I've made an impact in these ways. So no matter the smallness of it, it's okay.


Rabbi Ken said one of the questions Jewish belief says we'll be asked when we die as a judging of the soul is, "did you live with redemption in mind?" I believe this shows how we need to do small acts of kindness no matter if anyone is listening or looking. It means to live believing that your actions are noticed, and that one day they will be redeemed (rewarded). So yeah, not only bring amazing things to our small, death-is-near lives, but do it because you do matter, your actions matter, and pretty much forget that we're small and just be/do you.

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