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  • Writer's pictureJordan Drayer

Do You Properly Bond?

YouTube video: https://youtu.be/VgcEL2oOdsY


Gevurah of Yesod


Hi everyone, Jordan Drayer, the savvy millennial voice actress who is definitely working on discipline in bonding. Today is five weeks and two days of the Omer. If you want to know more about the Omer and how it works, check out the links in the description.

Today is Gevurah of Yesod, the discipline of bonding. Chabad.org says it best. "Bonding must be done with discretion and careful consideration with whom and with what you bond. Even the healthiest and closest bonding needs 'time out,' a respect for each individual's space."

I kind of mentioned this yesterday; if you try to get to know someone, and they never reciprocate, you have to move on. And because we simply can't be best friends with everyone, you'll hurt yourself, run yourself thin and ragged if you try to do that. It also seems like people pleasing.


So many people...

This quality today represents something I'm really working on. I'm a twin, and neither of us ever had significant others until our mid-20s. That really hurt me to give her up, and I kept trying to find people to replace her basically, which I've learned is common for twins who have to separate for any reason. I ended up looking like a desperate fool to some neighbor friends, doing stuff my twin would've been okay with but of course not them. Even with my various roommates, I am learning to restrain myself. I could do games and movies and walks with them for hours, but they want to do stuff with other people and be alone at times.


So yeah, the question of overbonding, I'm learning even now to trust that my friends still like me even if they don't want to or can't hang out at times. On the flipside, I hate having people follow me around being dependent on me. I brought a date to a hangout because he said he wanted to meet new people, but he hung around me all night instead of talking to others, which annoyed me.

Please don't follow me like a dog all the time...

Do I bond out of desperation? No, that's not one I've done since perhaps elementary school, when I'd first moved to Florida, kind of becoming friends with the first girls that talked to me like Cady in Mean Girls. I do have standards even in my lonely times at least.

Today's exercise is to review the discipline in your bonding experiences to see what needs to be tuned. Like for me, I'm learning how to enjoy being alone and having backup alone plans for when friends need to bail. I'm also learning to be okay with more surface-level friends, something apparently hard to twins as well, who would rather have deep friendships with everyone. If you are a twin, I recommend reading the books and articles of Dr. Barbara Klein to learn more about twin psychology. Thank you so much, please like and share, and I'll see you tomorrow!

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