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  • Writer's pictureJordan Drayer

Your Sovereign Self

Yesod of Malchut

Hi everyone, Jordan Drayer, the savvy millennial voice actress who is totally working on bonding as her own sovereign self. Today is six weeks and six days of the Omer. If you want to know more about the Omer and how it works, check out the links in the description.

Today is Yesod of Malchut, looking at bonding through sovereignty. If we know who we are, that makes it easier to know who others are. Like if you think of narcissists, they see others as an extension of themselves, so another's success is somehow because of them, the narcissist. Or very co-dependent people, like what I'm recovering from, are keyed in to the emotions of others so much, again, it's like that other person is part of them. Of course we should be in tune with our loved ones' feelings, but as I'm learning in these recent years, it is not healthy to always be trying to read minds and anticipate others.

So really knowing who you are, where you end in terms of emotions and boundaries, what your values are, these things will make you your best self. And believe me, if you grew up having to watch for clues from your parents to know how you were allowed to act and feel, then this work will be ongoing for a long time. Given that I'm a twin also and kind of grew up enmeshed in her personality made this doubly worse; I actually had to teach myself to say "I" when talking about things like "I like cats, I lived in Texas," instead of "we."

"Does my sovereignty prevent me from bonding?" I feel like it does, like me being myself could drive people away from me, but I'm also learning how it helps in bonding because "those who matter, don't mind." I am not afraid of getting close to people, as I know this fear exists in some people. Again, probably from being a twin, I want to go deep with most people immediately. No, in contrast I am sometimes afraid I won't find the people that will love me is all, but more and more I'm learning that is nothing to be afraid of, because I keep finding them, attracting the loving, smart, adventurous people I seek!

Today's exercise is to actualize your sovereignty by making stronger a bond with a close person. Like maybe share a story about yourself they've never heard, or make sure they know how you stand on a political issue and why you stand for it. Be proud that you are a work in progress, not perfect, and let them know you. I have several friends I'm turning into better friends right now, so I'm grateful to have a choice from among them for this. We have one more day to go, so I'll see you tomorrow!

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