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  • Writer's pictureJordan Drayer

You Are Enough!

Malchut of Malchut

Hi everyone, Jordan Drayer, the savvy millennial voice actress who is a sovereign individual. Today is six weeks and seven days of the Omer, the full 49 days! We did it, we made it to the end! If you still want to know more about the Omer and how it works, or maybe you missed a day or want to revisit one, check out the links in the description.

Yes, today is Malchut of Malchut, looking at the sovereignty of our sovereignty. Does my sovereignty come from inner confidence or is it a mask of my insecurities? I can say yes, sort of. I feel like I know who I am, and this is after six years of really having to separate from my twin (once she got her fiancé) and many years of therapy to overcome people-pleasing and mind-reading I learned from my parents' behavior. I had to learn how to be independent, truly my own sovereign, and I had to learn how to have emotions, after years of not really being allowed and then not allowing myself to have negative emotions.

I relate to Riley from Pixar's "Inside Out" so much, whose parents always call her their happy girl, pretty much not allowing her to show negative emotions

So coming back to the question, yes, I'm confident in who I am. I still have some insecurities though in that I still rely on external validation a lot more than I'd like to, and I know that I am quite a fine wine that not everyone can enjoy. So learning how to own this fine wine status instead of being insecure about it, that's what I'm currently working on.

"Am I aware of my uniqueness as a person? Of my personal contribution?" Yes, I'm becoming more so. Many people tell me how rare my empathy is, my organizational skills, my hardworking-ness, these kinds of things, so if we throw out my false modesty I've mentioned before, I have other people's words as evidence that I am unique. Am I aware of my personal contributions? As a teacher, I can say yes. As an administrative assistant, where I can easily see the impact of my work, yes. Even making these videos, I see my own contribution to myself; I let my voice be heard and now feel stronger because of it.

This has been the best Omer experience so far. In the past I've mostly done journaling. One time I did a group where we talked to partners in other states once a week, so that was nice. But I actually feel that doing these videos brought me spiritual growth this time, where before I just felt I was doing the motions. But a lot of Judaism is like that, I think, just keep doing and studying until you feel something, and then keep doing and studying with this renewed purpose.

The exercise for today is to take a moment and reflect on your inner self, who you are, who you were created as. Don't think of possessions, who you are to family, who you want others to see, or any of that. Who are you?

Thank you so much for joining me on this journey! I'm likely to do this again next year, so stick around. One of my goals in doing these was to teach myself how to make videos for content marketing for voiceover, and so I look forward to bringing you more interesting videos soon. Until then, shalom aleichem and live long and prosper.

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