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  • Writer's pictureJordan Drayer

Come Together...with Discipline

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Yesod of Gevurah

Hi everyone, Jordan Drayer, the savvy millennial voice actress whose discipline leads to stronger bonds. Today is one week and six days of the Omer. And if you'd like to bond with others over sharing this post, I'd really appreciate it.

Today is Yesod of Gevurah, meaning the bonds or foundation of discipline. Setting boundaries paradoxically helps to draw people closer. You'd think that disciplining kids would make them always mad at the parent, but in fact kids respect parents and are happier when they know what the limits are. Mixed messages are bad in all situations. In any relationship, because you know what the other person doesn't like, if you're a respectful person, this will help you to interact better and draw closer to that person even more.

Here's another example of why the old "because I told you to" doesn't work. If the kid knows why we don't run with scissors, such as, "Because I'm afraid you'll get hurt, and then I'll be really sad. Please don't make Mommy sad," then perhaps that's a good reason a young kid won't run with scissors. If they're old enough to say, "I won't get hurt, I'm careful," then you reason other things like, "someone could be coming around the corner," "your leg may suddenly cramp up," or even "because I'm not going to pay your hospital bill and you'll have to work all summer." At least with these examples, you're showing them to think of other people, showing you care about the kid, and showing your own boundaries they mustn't cross if they want to remain on your good side.

If you simply discipline a kid for playing in a loud voice, saying it's annoying, that's not really bonding. You could make the limit clear with the use of inside and outside voices, or say, "If you can't play quietly, you'll have to read instead." I don't know, but don't just tell them to be quiet because they're annoying you. That's going to lead to them withdrawing from you or even being loud on purpose perhaps as they get mad at you in return. I'm just going off my own experiences; I am definitely not a child expert.

Clearly state what you need from them and why it's important to you in an age-appropriate way. I state what I don't like in my living situation and so do my roommates. Because we respect each other, we all try to follow the agreed-upon rules. This leads to a more amiable house atmosphere and more likelihood of us interacting happily, laughing, hanging out and such. I hear the preschool teachers at my job use language like "it makes me sad" when disciplining the kids, using emotions they understand instead of bigger words like "disappointed."

The exercise for today really works best in a parent-child relationship, but maybe you can make it work friend to friend or spouse to spouse. Demonstrate how bonding is an essential ingredient in discipline and growth. Maybe if you're not currently fighting about something, you can discuss it in general or think about, "In the future, when X happens, we'll do Y, and this will bring us closer together because of Z." It's worth a shot. I can try this out with my roommates. Thank you for reading, and see you next time. Create some bonds in sharing and liking this post!

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