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  • Writer's pictureJordan Drayer

Dating Makes Me a Better Actress?

When does dating get fun? I guess when you let it be just about meeting new people and not expecting anything. I keep expecting though and evaluating through the date whether this guy is husband-material. See, I'm only after one thing, a long-term partnership, basically a twin replacement (as my twin got engaged and "left" me).

I want a built-in roommate, a predictable, fun, loving person to help me pay rent in this expensive city. Instead of having to search for friends or random people to be roommates, I'll have one I can depend on for years. It could be a female friend, but then I can't guarantee she'll find her own love and leave me. So it might as well be a husband. "But you could divorce," you say. Well, yes, I guess, but I'd work hard to make it work and choose a good person from the beginning. And if he dies early, then again, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

When will this be me? Lol... you better believe I'm attracting the heck out of it!

I never had a boyfriend in high school or college, and I know I'm not gay. It's difficult I believe because I'm in that "graysexual" area of demisexual and asexual. I look at people and appreciate looks as one would a painting. I do not see people and think "I need/want to tap that." I plan to write more about this asexuality another time though. Just saying here, it makes it hard to date because I'm afraid the guy will fall for me while I'm just trying to see if I can even feel anything at all. That could take months, and I don't want to date someone for months to find out they were "wrong" and I was wasting their time and mine.

I want a built-in travel partner, food and restaurant co-explorer, concert-go-with-er. I want all of the companionable stuff, some of the romantic stuff. I am ready to be a wife; I've got all the Victorian skills of sewing, cooking, cleaning, and painting haha. I can communicate, economize, be practical and flexible. The more I define myself and get to know myself, it helps me know what I want in a man, and it also makes me a better voice actress!

I am a better voice talent today because of the therapy I've had to make me less afraid of other people, especially men, and stop thinking their anger will be like my dad's. I'm learning every day how to show my emotions on my face in real life, not just the "safe" times when allowed to (ie, acting). I started therapy in 2013, after college, and have had several different therapists as I've moved. I've tried EMDR and hypnotherapy as far as specialities. I've even done 12-step groups, suggested by a therapist.

Getting back to dating though, I can stand up for myself and say no. I'm confident in myself and can see when it's just the guy's issue. For example in saying "I don't want to date you anymore," there's a possibility he'll be like an Internet jerk and start insulting me. Well then, I can pity him. In the past, I may have been hurt by things like that. Now, I just see those men as annoying and immature when I see women's stories like that (luckily it hasn't happened to me).

So I think I'll focus on more meetups and group gatherings and stick to what feels most comfortable to me, which is learning about people over time. Yes, dating could be that "over time," but it's easier when I see a person talking to other people, and I see how they interact with others and learn about them through being near but not directly interacting. And going to the meetups is still "out of my comfort zone," so don't say anything about that, what with all the strangers there.

And I've still got time; I'm still alive! I had a cousin reconnect with a past love and remarry in her 60s. I hope to not be that old when I marry for the first (and only, hopefully) time, but whatever. Separating from my twin has taught me how to be truly independent and enjoy myself. I'm having fun playing mahjong, DnD, volunteering at the animal shelter, going to temple, running a Rosh Chodesh group, Talmud Torah, teaching English, doing a podcast, walking and hiking, and whatever other things show up in the calendar!

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